How To Fail At Customer Support

How To Fail At Customer Support

By Ralf Skirr.

Nothing says 'We Don't Care!' better than a canned response. All responses below belong to the same support ticket.

Message 1

Thank you for contacting xxx Customer Service.

We have received your message and will respond within 24 hours.

As a subscriber, you are very important to us. If we can be of further assistance, please let us know.

Message 2

Thank you for contacting xxx Customer Service.

We are unable to locate your subscription by your email address. Please send your complete name and address that you used to sign up to xxx Digital.

Once we receive this information, we will be able to assist you.

If we can be of further assistance, please let us know.

Message 3 (huh? I sent you that information already)

Thank you for contacting xxx Customer Service.

We are unable to locate your subscription by your email address. Please send your complete name and address that you used to sign up to xxx Digital.

Once we receive this information, we will be able to assist you.

If we can be of further assistance, please let us know.

Message 4 (huh? It's a digital product, according to the order confirmation with immediate access.)

Thank you for contacting xxx Customer Service.

We do not locate your subscription at this time. Please allow up to 48 hours for your order to process. Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience caused, and thank you for the opportunity to be of service.

If we can be of further assistance, please let us know.

Message 5 (huh? I already emailed you 5 times, and now I need to email you again in 2 days to remind you?)

Thank you for contacting xxx Customer Service.

We regret to inform you that your order has not yet been processed. We are unable to assist you with access or refund your money until your order is received.

It can take up to 48 hours from the time you place your order for it to appear on our system.

Please contact us at the time for further assistance.

If we can be of further assistance, please let us know.

 

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